Hollywood or Asia?
Coming back to blog after a long hiatus, with a heavy heart, wondering if I’ll ever get whatever I dream for in my life. As everyday goes by, somehow, instead of feeling closer to my dream, I feel like I’m getting further & further away. Oh, don’t get me wrong – I’ve been completing 2 short films, a few events, and involved in a bit of TV, as well as completing a few auditions. I haven’t been twiddling my thumbs.
It’s very difficult for me to admit this. Because I’ve always tried to be an inspiration – the encouraging one, the one full of hopes & dreams & visions for the future. But there comes a point when everything is just too much to take, and I don’t know what to do next.
My life is not all that bad, all things considered.
I’m not saying that I’m being bullied, or in poverty, or abused. No, I’m thankful for what I have – my family, my friends, God, every single blessing I have in my life. It’s more than what some people could hope for. And I’m thankful that I have inspired some people around me to chase their dreams. It is heartwarming for me to hear people thank me for being an inspiration, or a source of encouragement.
But I just feel totally un-talented at times.
No matter how many people have told me (and there have been many, and I’m thankful for every single one of them) that I have talent – what’s the use?
I’m just longing for someone to recognise my uniqueness. For me to at least feel slightly special.
I know I’m far from perfect. There’re things I can’t do – but also things I can do. I’m great at dramatic scenes, I have deep emotional strength & depth, action scenes are one of my strengths & I have a natural instinct which can’t be learnt.
But I don’t know what to do next. Where to go from here?
I know what I want – to eventually be the lead in international feature films, to be an inspiration for dream-chasers around the world, to create stories which move the world. To be a world-shaker & history-maker. Is that too much to ask?
Maybe that is too much to ask, maybe I shouldn’t ask for my time in the limelight.
I’ve been considering my options – but I know this (acting) is home for me, and it’s something I will never stray away from. Because this is my life – this is what I was born to do.
And how many people can say that they truly love their work?
This whole rant is totally out of character, especially since I rarely vent my frustrations online in a public space. But this has been building up for so long, I just needed an outlet. I apologise for sounding like I’m complaining. I love you guys, and I want you all to just keep chasing your dreams. There’re obstacles every step of the way – but that just makes success all the more sweet.
Can you believe it? I’m crying as I write this.
I can relate to this, Laura; I’m having similar frustrations at the moment. Today I went onto YouTube to look at some really good acting monologues. Out of 20 or so really mundane “talents”, I only found one single video that was actually any good. This underlines the difficulty we face; everybody thinks they can act – and its bollocks. Of the people on the acting course at my uni, I could count on a single hand the ones who were any good. And yet, they’re all still out there, muddying the waters and swamping out those of us with real ability.
The trick is to keep showing your talent and to really zero in on what makes you unique as a performer. Sell your uniqueness and keep shouting as loudly as you possibly can! Good luck and stay in touch.
Thanks for that, Tim. I’m still trying to find my uniqueness after 5 years of acting (in school & professionally), and it’s been really really difficult. I know what you mean about the industry being swamped – I see them around me all the time.
Today a friend told me: “Just keep working at it. Nothing good ever comes easy!” So not giving up & persevering is already half the battle won. Stay in touch too.