My birthday’s coming soon!

In 3 days’ time, to be exact. The older you get, the more you dread birthdays. Because it signals the ticking clock. *tick tock tock tock* Ahhhhhh!

But I love the gifts & the wishes & the opportunity to make wishes over my birthday cake. So for those of you who are planning to get me something, but haven’t got anything yet… Or for those of you who didn’t plan to get me anything, but are now feeling guilty… Here’s my Wishlist!

1. Make-Up from Shu Uemura or M.A.C.

Disclaimer: I think it’s better to buy me the vouchers… because the colours or the products may not exactly suit me. Thanks!

2. Air ticket to Taiwan – planning to fly there (permanently?) in July 2010

3. Find me an Agent that will bring me to Taiwan! Or a flexible job that will allow me to settle in Taiwan. Or an acting project in Taiwan? Hee.

4. CASH – For my overseas fund.

5. New clothes – Dresses, simple blouses, 3-quarter pants.

Yeah, I think that concludes my wishlist. Simple, but effective. Haha.

By the way, here’s the TVC for the Singapore Media Academy that is currently playing on Singapore TV. It was a large ensemble cast but I got a nice (albeit short) close-up shot. I was playing the role of a Director in the film crew which the male lead chanced upon while he was walking down Clarke Quay.

And this is an update on my previous post: The poster for “Slayer”, a Lasalle student short film I was the lead in. Apparently, it was well-received during the school screening.

Meanwhile, don’t forget! My birthday’s on November 10! Haha.

But I’ll be involved in a few rehearsals on that day. Hope to have the time to squeeze in a birthday trip to the Zoo – my favourite place.

At last night’s Word of the Actor session, I chose to do a scene from “Boys Don’t Cry” with my scene partner, Ethel. For those who’ve watched this awesome film, it’s the scene near the end before Brandon & Lana have sex. I knew it was a difficult scene to do – because of the subject matter – but I really wanted to challenge myself this week.

It’s a girl-on-girl scene, but with a twist. I played Teena Brandon (originally played by Hilary Swank, who won an Oscar for Best Actress for this role), a transgender male. One review described it as “a sad song about a free spirit who tried to fly a little too close to the flame”.

The scene was so good… It was awesome. The feeling when I was Brandon – it was really liberating & I totally forgot I was a girl. I was just him, being in love with a girl who he has lied to continuously, but finally comes clean with. It was an intimate scene that felt so right.

Thank you, Ethel!

I wore a shirt & put my hair up in a cap to be in character, but didn’t capture a shot of that.

I love you.

I watched the film today, never having watched it before. It was heart-wrenching, but I felt so much love for Brandon. He was really a lost soul crying out for help.

Had an awesome session with Kelvin Ke, our director for the day.

It’s been a crazily busy week, comparable to last week’s hectic rush. And the week is only half over! Spent Mon & Tues at an NIE Training Video shoot, where I played two different teachers for different case scenarios. Mon & Tues was also spent at a theatre workshop & a rehearsal for an upcoming performance (details below!).

On Wed, I went to watch my 10-year-old students perform at an exhibition in school, after which I did a voiceover for a Mandarin TVC – my first time! I did the English VO for the same TVC last week… And as expected, they had some trouble with my American-accented Mandarin, but I think I did pretty okay.

Wed night was spent workshopping “Boys Don’t Cry”, then today, I had an early morning 1-scene shoot for a TV drama. Just finished a rehearsal for an upcoming short film with another NYU Tisch Asia student – I’m playing a corpse. Hahahaha.

Last week, I had a couple of interesting shoots.

NYU Tisch Asia 1st-year student’s short film

Untitled as yet, but I call it “The Body Parts Fetish”. Haha.

This was another one for Lasalle, titled “Slayer”.

And the week is not yet over. If all goes according to plan, I’ll be playing a professional music composer in a corporate video over the next 2 days, and a druggie in a weekend shoot with another NYU student.

Conclusion:

Angry Teacher. Daughter seeking for parents’ love. Dying girl who finds hope. Girl turned boy. Real Estate client. Corpse. Professional Music Composer. Druggie.

One week’s work. Phew.

COMMERCIAL BREAK:

ShowOff6 Performance

26 & 27 Nov 2009 (Thu & Fri)

8p.m.

The Substation

Four plays – “The Circle of Truth” (which I’m in!), “Old Friend”, “Not Crazy” & “Going Nowhere” – presented by Faithworks.

Get your tickets from GateCrash today!

P.S.1 My friends said they saw me in a TVC – the one I did with Derrick & Steve & the whole ensemble – but I’ve not been able to see it yet! No time to watch TV.

P.S.2 I’m hooked on the recent Taiwan serials “桃花小妹” (Momo Love) & “下一站，幸福” (Autumn’s Concerto) starring 黄靖伦 Wong Jinglun & 吴建豪 Van Ness Wu respectively. They’re so different, but so captivating! “Momo Love” is laugh-out funny & far-fetched with adorable characters whereas “Autumn’s Concerto” has great acting & a relatively strong storyline.

P.S3 I want to catch Jinglun when he comes to town over the weekend, but it looks like my schedule is packed.*Sobz*

P.S I’m trying out this P.S. stuff because it’s a trademark of Jinglun’s blog (which I’ve been poring over) & I’ve got so much to say but no way to categorise my thoughts. Haha. Okay, I’m done.

Recently, I’ve been involved in a Smoking Info-drama that toured various army camps in Singapore, warning against the effects of smoking & aimed at encouraging the army boys to quit smoking. Having experienced smoking firsthand, I know it’s simply not that easy to quit.

For this project, I teamed up with Val once again.

For those who follow my blog, you’ll remember that Val was my co-star in “Dare to Lust” (picture above).

Well, that definitely helped our chemistry.

It was an interesting experience – partly because the army boys are all so excited about seeing a female in their camp, not clad in uniform. Val tried his best to amp up my “celebrity status” so the boys had something to watch for!

And I played my part too – a version of the Singapore Ah-Lian.

We also had this cheesy “back to the ’60s” dance.

And they were a bit stunned at this final dip.

Trying hard to look intellectual. Hahahaha.

Happy Ending!

My dad has been smoking since he was 18, and he’s a doctor! Not a very good example, obviously. He offered me my first puff when I was about 7 or 8 years old, and I’ve always been exposed to second-hand smoke since I was a baby. Which kind of explains why I’m not totally averse to cigarette smoke & I have no problem with holding a cigarette & smoking in scenes, if needed.

In fact, I smoked for a brief period when I was 16, filching my dad’s cigarettes at night. *shhhhhh* But it’s nothing fantastic – not to mention, it’s pretty smelly. I smoked just two puffs recently for a short film, and my mouth & breath & fingers stank afterwards. Anyway I stopped within a few months after I started smoking – because of many reasons – but mainly ‘cos I think I’ve grown up with smoke around me and there’s no longer any draw.

Hmmmm…

No offence to those who smoke. Like I said, I’m not averse to cigarette smoke so I don’t mind hanging out with you guys.

You know what else is cool?

They gave us each a Certificate of Appreciation after the performance.

Hahaha.

Check out my slightly stunned expression.

QUIT SMOKING!

I don’t celebrate Halloween. Never have, and so I didn’t exactly dress up today in any particular costume. But if you really want me to get into the Halloween mood, I guess I was exuding the Bella Swan (from Twilight) vibe. Haha.

Last week, I got the entire Twilight series from MPH – even though I’ve already read the e-book versions. Somehow I still love the comforting feel of a book in my hands. I re-read “Eclipse” & “Breaking Dawn”. I also got, and read, “The Lost Symbol” by Dan Brown. It isn’t as good as “Angels & Demons” though. I also got a copy of “Public Enemies”, which I haven’t got around to reading yet.

Anyway, as I was saying, I was trying to be Bella Swan for a day – even though I know Bella technically doesn’t wear dresses. Haha. And my favourite aspect of vampires (from the Twilight series)? Their ability to freeze into statues when they’re shocked or surprised. I already feel like that when I’m stoning!

So… I spent my Halloween as Bella Swan – one-quarter human, three-quarters vampire. Mmmmmm. But if I were her, I might pick the werewolf, Jacob Black, instead.

Oooh. Yummy-licious.

I’ve been going back to the basics – learning my craft & working it. And I’m so glad I’ve decided to strengthen the foundation, because I’ve grown so much within these few months.

Acting is not just superficial, skin-deep nonsense. It’s feeling, being real, being in the moment, making decisions while in the midst of a scene, being open to emotions. I’ve learned to raise the stakes in any scene, because as you raise the stakes, it becomes more and more interesting to watch. There are 29 ways to play any scene (yes, that’s just a random number) & any one of them could work.

Took over the “Word of the Actor” sessions from Faye – she’s living the Hollywood dream now! – and it’s become my “baby” now. Hopefully I make the right choices & am tactful while doing so. Huge responsibility. But I love these sessions, the chance to work on scenes & receive directions.

Had awesome experiences in NYU Tisch Asia as well. Did scenes in 3 separate directing workshops – classes in which the Masters in Film students learn how to direct actors & analyse scripts – and worked with an Oscar-winning director, as well as a Hollywood casting director. It was so great & they were impressed with my work. I’m happy. No matter what actors say, we do live for the recognition, because without recognition, we’ll have no audience.

I’ll be working with the Tisch students for their projects – 4 first-year short films, and 1 second-year film. I look at this as free education for me, since I never technically learnt the acting craft in school… I learn it on the job. Haha

Was also involved in Kelvin Sng’s “The Gang” project. I’ve also thankfully been casted in a role for a corporate video (the director’s decision), without having to attend the audition.

Also looking forward to the photos from today’s photo shoot at Fort Canning – TFCD. New portfolio shots without having to pay!

Failure is only for those who give up.

And I will never give up.

My Taiwan plans are solidifying. I’m planning to move there in June/July next year. I can’t wait!

Just decided to post some updates since it’s been 8 days since I last blogged. And I’ve been lazy! *oops* Forgive me

Just last week, I was involved in a TVC shoot. A chance to work with a bunch of interesting people – some of whom I’ve worked with before, others are new acquaintances. It was an easy shoot, except for the variations in temperature! We filmed along Clarke Quay, when it was really hot & sunny, then we filmed in a TV studio, which was freezing cold.

Outdoor Shoot

Studio Shoot

As you can see, the cast is really big. That’s what made it so fun.

And I also got to work with a long-time friend, Wendy. I’ve known her for 8 years! And I sort of inspired her to begin acting (hahaha).

Beyond this shoot, I’ve been going for numerous auditions, and also been helping out NYU Tisch students with their directing exercises. I’m also involved in a couple of Lasalle student films – one of which is an action flick.

And, not to forget, I’ve been working the craft with a group of actors at WORD every Wed night! Absolutely love these guys, their passion inspires me & glad for the chance to grow together.

WORD!

Faye’s moving off to L.A. soon – excited for her! – and I’m planning to move to Taiwan sometime in June or July next year. Big things ahead for each & every one of us.

Not to forget an upcoming performance at The Substation – a series of 4 plays. I’m involved in Square One (a 30-minute drama play) in a supporting role. There are 3 other 10-minute comedic plays.

So, head over to GateCrash to get your tickets!

On a side note, no matter what life throws at me, I’m happy & grateful & thankful for what I have now. To have life, dreams, passion, friends, family, love and God. That’s just awesome. So I’m looking forward to greater things ahead.

I caught “The Heavenly Kings” at Sinema Old School two weeks back, on Sep 19. It was screened as part of the inaugural International Social Action Film Festival. Shot in a mockumentary form, complete with interviews, single-camera shots & ‘live’ action, it was an entertaining & informative look at the state of the HK music industry today.

Catch it if you have a chance to! It’ll be screened regularly at Sinema over the next few months.

After the screening, there was a forum featuring alivenotdead founders & artists, Terence Yin, Etchy, Philip Ng, Patrick Lee & Elvanna Raine. “The Heavenly Kings” (directed by Daniel Wu) follows a boyband, Alive, which consists of the members – Daniel Wu, Terence Yin, Andrew Lin & Conroy Chan. For the sake of this mockumentary, the boys really did set up this band & most of the film was real-life. From this film, alivenotdead was birthed.

After the screening, we gathered at the lobby of Sinema for some informal chit-chat & mingling. Took a photo with Terence, which made me feel like a fangirl all over again. Haha.

After-party with Faye & Derrick – 2 fellow alivenotdead artists & actors – and other artists. Parties are great with friends like these!

(Photos courtesy of Derrick)

And like I said, catch the film at Sinema Old School if you’ve the chance to!

Sticks and stones may break my bones

But words will never hurt me

A thin heart & a thick skin

People told me that’s what I need

So I try to survive each & every passing day

Holding my head up anew

Not letting the comments get to me

Not letting the rejections & disappointments get me down

For I know the moment I give up

Is the moment I fail

And as long as I keep pressing on

As long as I keep sowing and plowing the ground

My day will come

Someday

Today. I asked myself,

“Is this really what you want? Your life, just like this?”

And the answer is: No. My life isn’t just like this.

It’s more than this

And this is just the beginning!

The journey has barely started. The path is barely trodden.

So I’m taking the path least-trod

So I’m the weird one. The smart one with a ‘foolish’ dream.

So what?

It’s my life. It’s now or never

I ain’t gonna live forever

I’m rejected and dejected today

Tomorrow when I wake up, I start anew

Words. What can they do to me?

Just bruise my ego. No big deal.

Yes, I’ve been called ‘ugly’ before

Once someone said I looked like I had a stroke

What a vague description

I’m as good as the value I place on myself

I choose my own value

And I say I am priceless

I am priceless in the eyes of God

I am priceless in the eyes of my family. My close friends

I am priceless, in my own eyes

My life was bought with a price – Jesus’ blood

Something, somehow, somewhere, will come my way

A breakthrough

Jumping over the hurdles. Breaking down the obstacles.

Jumping through the rings of fire

Hurts. Tears. Broken heart.

Who knows?

Who cares?

And even if no one cares

It doesn’t matter

‘Cause this is my life

And I’m doing the best I can

To make this life count

In the end

People only look at the successes

Never at the trials, tribulations, sufferings, hurts, tears

That came before the victories

People only see the lightbulb

Not Edison’s failed inventions

So everything that happens now I stomach it alone

Knowing that, one day

When my success is apparent for all to see

That’s all they will see

And I work towards that day

The journey brings many lessons

Moulds me

Changes me

So that I am ready for the final destination

For eternity

I keep pressing on

Today.

The Chance To…

1. Do the craziest things – shout & scream & laugh maniacally, jump off a ledge to commit suicide, wrestle in the mud, “drive” a cool Lamborghini, “steer” a yacht, seduce a married man, get shot at, shoot at others, die, be Death, be a kid again, suck a guy’s fingers, lie amongst garbage, propose to a guy, get beaten up, be proposed to in front of strangers … … etc etc.

2. Touch people’s hearts through stories which I am a part of.

3. Have an outlet for my emotions – happiness, anger, sadness, frustration, joy.

4. Live different lives. Be different people.

5. Be brutally honest about who I am & what I have to offer the world.

6. Inspire others to change, to dream, to live.

7. Be around the most creative & open-minded people & look at life differently.

8. Be unpredictable.

9. Create beauty out of destruction, find hope in the midst of darkness & question the societal norm.

10. BE DIFFERENT. BE PASSIONATE. BE ME.

Invisibility. To blend into the background, to be one of “them”. To not be outstanding. To observe, listen, learn. To be a blank slate, not an actor, not dramatic. No one knows who the real me is – and over the years, I’ve become so many different people that I no longer know who I really am.

I feel colourless at times, almost transparent. I only take shape & form when I’m becoming a character, becoming a solid being. Otherwise, I’m like an ethereal being, here but not really here.

Yesterday, I was indirectly told that I don’t want this enough. I can always choose to do something else. I didn’t defend myself or argue, but I have one thing to say: I do want this, and although I don’t have to prove anything, I will get what I really want… And let that be my answer.

I’m learning Japanese – a third language – and taking the JLPT4 in December. I need to work on my Mandarin, which is apparently American-accented. I wonder if I should go for jaw reconstruction surgery.

Good news. Another short film which I did, “Paper Stars” got into the BRNO16 Festival. Another of my previous short films, “Toilet”, also got into this film festival last year. So I’m happy for the cast & crew.

Also, my vocals teacher has persuaded me to join the SAFRA PK Singing Competition, mainly for experience’s sake. Argh.

i’m going back to being invisible now.